Waiting Patiencely

Among all , this is my most favorite first quote I read when I turned on my computer. 

Dear lord,

My friends and I have isolated apart.  I basically have no friends.  My eyes have opened and I know who is true loyal friends and who is not.  Lately, I have been going through struggles with weight , housing, and career issues.  Nothing in my life is a complete puzzle.  All i want is  a new beginning to something that I am capable of doing and developing new skills. 
I want to thank you that Georjean and Debbie found new jobs.  I am very Thankful that cousin Daniel was honored by Arlington Highschool. 

All I want is a stable job but I can't seem to find it.  So, I have decided to go back to a community college and take a certification course at a continue and professional education.  I will switch career path.  I have realized when I am in front of the computer entering data into a software, I am more confident.  I will continue to pray for your support and help.I am not sure how to make it happen.

I am not sure what's going on with my health lately.  I have been coughing and gained 8 pounds.  This is no good for me.  I am basically allergic to coffee, soy, grape seed oil, peanut oil, gluten, dairy, pork.  I really want to loose weight but no results are happening.  It's so frustrating

 I want to leave NYC because the competition is way too high and I can't fight. All I am asking is for a simple life style.  My cousin Daniel and his mother are right,  I should leave but to wear.  Mom suggested that i should leave to Tennessee.  So I must take and pass the course, but before I do, I must be fully prepare to nail an internship before landing an electronic health records specialist in TN.  I still pray to live in a story high building, because I don't want a house.  I still want to drive because I hate the fare of the MTA ride.  Everything is extremely expensive in NYC; I can't take it anymore.

I am praying for the following:

Healthy
career
Housing
be positive
Be happy
love the people around me like family and help them get through the struggle society.
 Last, having faith, patience, and still loving and beliving in you that things will be fine and will work out.

Amen.
.

LOoking forward for a miracle to happen

Lately my heart hurts and I've been very worry about my future.  I'm actually very tire of being no where, so I took the initiative to make a few changes of my future.  I've been planning.  These plans may or may not work depending on how it goes.  I don't want to ending up being a total loser.  In the past few days, I was reading status quotes from MY bible on Facebook.  These quotes are supposedly to inspire me to move forward in life.

Two days ago, I went on the internet and did some searching on Google search engine.  Since I wanted to continue to work as an administrator in the Health Field, I've decided to go to 25 Broadway building, NY, NY on the 7th Floor, and take these free courses ,under Continuation education for students who wants to be back in school  and already has an undergraduate degree; It's more for people who wants to pursue a career path.  I will study Electronic Health Medical Records.  School for me isn't easy because I will have to go through the Disability offer to registrar.  I can't predict whether I will get accepted into the program, but this is my only choice of options where I have to do something about my pathetic life.

The third week of October until now, I haven't heard back from the work sites to where I applied too.  I wonder everyday and constantly ask my parents and God , how does my follow associates becomes so successful.  Look at me, I can't get by far, I'm stuck. All I hope for is a change soon; a miracle to happen.

It's funny that three days ago,  I' wondered who over charged me for my bill.  The emblem Health neighborhood center staff tried their best to help me figured out who was that provider who overly charged me.  HA!, without my effort, Apria Health Care sent me a check for $27.00 and returned my money.

All I am asking is for a job and a career change.  God create people to work hard and not to lazy. I know with God's love , anything can be possibl

Greater intuition.

 What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey.

I pulled out some of the quotes that appealed to me.


" It's a decision you make: to pursue what you were called here to do and not meander through your days.  To own the abundant life that waiting for you, you've got to be willing to do the real work.  Not your job.  Not your career profile. But heeding your spirit, which is whispering its greatest desires for you.  You've jot to get silent sometimes to hear it. " - pg 212

" Getting still, being able to hear your own voice and not the voices of the world, quickens clarity.  Once you decide what you want, ,make a commitment to that decisions."- pg 215

" The secret is alignment: When you know for sure that you're on course and doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing, fulfilling your soul's intention, you're heart's desire.  When your life is on course with its purpose, you are at your most powerful.  And though, you may stumble you will not fall. "- pg 217-218

"This is why, When people say they're looking for happiness, I ask, " what are you giving to the world?"  p227

"If you think something is missing in your life or you're not getting what you deserve, remember that there's no yellow Brick road. You lead life; it doesn't lead you"-P228




If I have had the chance to write back to Oprah Winfrey.  She wrote, " You lead life; it doesn't lead you".  As I was reading this passage, I though to myself that maybe i was born into the wrong Era.  Back then if you have a bachelor degree, you will earn what a degree is worth its salary.

Oprah battles against her weight. I battled against my weight and finding and pursuing my career.  I am so sick and tire of where I am.  I hate to land on a job then finding a new job.  I just hate the fact that I seems to be back in square one.

Pursing to become a teacher has always been my passion. It is guarantee that I have a teaching job once I complete the course.

In life, no job is stable. In the past, I feel like I am a gifted person.  I tend to hear these whispers when something is not right. For example,  I hate Regents and these standardized test.  I felt there were stupid.  After so many years,  regents are permanently gone. People don't listen to what I have to say until big corporation gets involve with it then it changes


I pray to the lord for his answer.  Where do you want me to go and do.

My dream and loosing faith.

 Did you know that I always dream and imagine what if I had the opportunity to live in my own dream house.  I always wanted to do my own interior designing.  No matter at which state I live in, I know for a fact that I wanted a condo or a coop living.  On the holiday, I dream of mortgaging a cottage home where I can bring my family together.  

The truth is, how can I dream of nailing the 1199 housing when i don't have a job.  I pray to the lord for a job.  A job that fits me.  I don't ask for much.  I just wanted to fit in into a small company where people respects each other.  As my journey into this adult hood, I had trouble finding myself.  All I ask god is to listen to my issues.  I want a stable job with benefits.  My income is in the range of a high school degree. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening to me.  I am scared.  Kevin and I made our parents suffered so much.  I really wanted to changed our live style.  We live by check to check , in order to survive in one of the biggest city in the entire 50 states.  NYC is small but very expensive.  My parents have been fighting for a spot for 2 decades in the public housing but for some reason , we never  nail it.  I wonder why. 

I always wanted to sit by a cottage on one of my dream rocking bench , have a cup of warm tea and just talk to god.  The questions I wanted to ask him are:

What are your plans for me?

Why am i going through so much suffering?

Is this part of your plan to make me go through the experiences of adult hood?

There are so much why in my questions to god. 

All I asking are answer and his heart with ears to listen. 

no matter how much I dream of my own place, it will never come true.  I loose doubts in life.

THE WAKE UP CALL

Since I graduated from Buffalo State, my life was all scattered into pieces.  I wasn't able to find jobs and when I do, they don't last very long.  From time to time, I asked myself what exactly do I want?  At times when I went on the Oprah website and watched her videos, I started to realized that a million of people have had went through what I am currently going through.  I hated working one job to the job, check to check.  I asked myself , is this what I want or am I going to work harder to fight for what I want and find who I am.  What exactly does Wendy believe in?

Wendy knows what she wants but has many doubts whether those path are right for her?  I always dream about being an English teacher because I wanted to go back to graduated school and relearn my grammar in order to excel in this language.  Back as a grammar student,  grammar was lacking in school because , all the New York State cares about was those stupid standardized exams.  Way back in the beginning,  I have been saying those exams are stupid.  How can you judge a student if

LIFE FEAR

 When I woke up, this was the first quote I saw on the bible verse on Facebook.  Deuteronomy stated, be strong and have courage, do not be afraid  because god will always be there and will never leave any of us.  Lately I have been praying to god everyday , asking him to listen to my problem.  All i need him to be a friend to listen to me.


I have share with him about myself.  I, as his child, am never lucky in life. The truth is I never lived happy before in my life.  As a child,  I struggled with processing notes in my brain, so I had to fight and work harder than most students with the help from my resource and counselor attention.  I couldn't pass any of the tests. However, when i got to High School,  I experienced terrorist attack on my 14th birthday.  How can these idiots make me go through a terrifying birthday.  I didn't even get any presents, but i was so blessed that my mom got me a cake from fine fare and celebrated at home and my maternal grandma.  By the time I reached to college,  I had a horrible roommate.  My laptop got stolen.  I don't remembered I had struggled as much when i was in my college years.  My school reimbusrsed my laptop and I got my entire room to myself.  I also met many wonderful people.  By the time I am back in NYC, I have to be the undergod, fighting for justice.  I couldn't find any jobs.  I was so lost that I didn't know how to look for a job, write a resume, and even a cover letter.  My life was upside down. 

A year ago,  Mounina, my roommate introduced Columbia University Dean Hopes. I applied but at the same time I got accepted into the program and got my real first job with benefits.  I was so happy but i didn't do so well.  When i was at Elderserve under Axion,  I was more of myself.  I enjoy working with people.  i understood the material really well.  My work perforce was great.  I even had a nice supervisor, RoseMarie.  Too bad, I didn't have any benefits.  This company really boost and started my first budget of gold.  After the contract ended, I was back to square one.  Xincon Healthcare wasn't a place where I fit.  Working in a Chinese company isn't quite me.  I was more happy working at Elderserve, a non Chinese community.    Chinese community is where I had a hard time fitting in. 

Today, i will have an housing interview.  I wanted to ask God.  Why all of a sudden now where ones hope is rise and hope is down.  One of requirement of this interview is to have a stable job which i don't at the moment, but i do believe and have as much patience in god's trust that he has a greater plan for me.  I wondered what his greater plan are for me.

My dream career is always to become a teacher.  I am so compassionate working with people and to be surrounded by people.  I most enjoy is the interaction and communicating with people.  When i was at Xincon, I didn't have a strong connection. Nurses were all relying on me and i can just do so much to support their needs. 

GOD... promise me, don't ever leave me hanging in a scary adulthood.  I am still learning this universal and it is so new to me that i am lost.


Please hold my hands as i walk into this interview.  Hopes it goes well.