A christmas letter to santa Lord

Dear Lord,

I have so much concerns that I wanted to share with you.  I need someone who I can trust and understand from my perspective.  I have been very uncomfortable in my own circle. I tried so hard to understand the work materials but I am still a bit lost in the world.  What am I suppose to do.

Lately this hasn't been a great year for anyone of my friends.  Sam and I got fired so we moved on to a new job.  Sam moved out and broken up with Matt.  Kevin just graduated and is looking for employment.  I am trying to understand my job's world but I am so lost.  I pray for some wisdom so i can excel in my job.  Did I choose the right job?  I also had trouble when it comes to choosing.  Why can't my job be a bit easier?  Why are people making my world so complicated?  I want to cry so much.  Cathy is having trouble finding paid employment.

Noelle and Fanny are having children  with Brent.  Soon these cute babies will born around the same time.  Mounina hasn't found her way yet and she working extremely hard to find her road.  We are all suffering and trying to put the pieces together and so far we only had 30 % complete.

I am praying to the lord that, I wish my chirstmas wish is for everyone including myself.

I can pass probation and start to make friends. I do want to like this job and excel in it.

Everyone is going to be falling into places.



Please grant out wishes.

Waiting Patiencely

Among all , this is my most favorite first quote I read when I turned on my computer. 

Dear lord,

My friends and I have isolated apart.  I basically have no friends.  My eyes have opened and I know who is true loyal friends and who is not.  Lately, I have been going through struggles with weight , housing, and career issues.  Nothing in my life is a complete puzzle.  All i want is  a new beginning to something that I am capable of doing and developing new skills. 
I want to thank you that Georjean and Debbie found new jobs.  I am very Thankful that cousin Daniel was honored by Arlington Highschool. 

All I want is a stable job but I can't seem to find it.  So, I have decided to go back to a community college and take a certification course at a continue and professional education.  I will switch career path.  I have realized when I am in front of the computer entering data into a software, I am more confident.  I will continue to pray for your support and help.I am not sure how to make it happen.

I am not sure what's going on with my health lately.  I have been coughing and gained 8 pounds.  This is no good for me.  I am basically allergic to coffee, soy, grape seed oil, peanut oil, gluten, dairy, pork.  I really want to loose weight but no results are happening.  It's so frustrating

 I want to leave NYC because the competition is way too high and I can't fight. All I am asking is for a simple life style.  My cousin Daniel and his mother are right,  I should leave but to wear.  Mom suggested that i should leave to Tennessee.  So I must take and pass the course, but before I do, I must be fully prepare to nail an internship before landing an electronic health records specialist in TN.  I still pray to live in a story high building, because I don't want a house.  I still want to drive because I hate the fare of the MTA ride.  Everything is extremely expensive in NYC; I can't take it anymore.

I am praying for the following:

Healthy
career
Housing
be positive
Be happy
love the people around me like family and help them get through the struggle society.
 Last, having faith, patience, and still loving and beliving in you that things will be fine and will work out.

Amen.
.

LOoking forward for a miracle to happen

Lately my heart hurts and I've been very worry about my future.  I'm actually very tire of being no where, so I took the initiative to make a few changes of my future.  I've been planning.  These plans may or may not work depending on how it goes.  I don't want to ending up being a total loser.  In the past few days, I was reading status quotes from MY bible on Facebook.  These quotes are supposedly to inspire me to move forward in life.

Two days ago, I went on the internet and did some searching on Google search engine.  Since I wanted to continue to work as an administrator in the Health Field, I've decided to go to 25 Broadway building, NY, NY on the 7th Floor, and take these free courses ,under Continuation education for students who wants to be back in school  and already has an undergraduate degree; It's more for people who wants to pursue a career path.  I will study Electronic Health Medical Records.  School for me isn't easy because I will have to go through the Disability offer to registrar.  I can't predict whether I will get accepted into the program, but this is my only choice of options where I have to do something about my pathetic life.

The third week of October until now, I haven't heard back from the work sites to where I applied too.  I wonder everyday and constantly ask my parents and God , how does my follow associates becomes so successful.  Look at me, I can't get by far, I'm stuck. All I hope for is a change soon; a miracle to happen.

It's funny that three days ago,  I' wondered who over charged me for my bill.  The emblem Health neighborhood center staff tried their best to help me figured out who was that provider who overly charged me.  HA!, without my effort, Apria Health Care sent me a check for $27.00 and returned my money.

All I am asking is for a job and a career change.  God create people to work hard and not to lazy. I know with God's love , anything can be possibl

Greater intuition.

 What I know for sure by Oprah Winfrey.

I pulled out some of the quotes that appealed to me.


" It's a decision you make: to pursue what you were called here to do and not meander through your days.  To own the abundant life that waiting for you, you've got to be willing to do the real work.  Not your job.  Not your career profile. But heeding your spirit, which is whispering its greatest desires for you.  You've jot to get silent sometimes to hear it. " - pg 212

" Getting still, being able to hear your own voice and not the voices of the world, quickens clarity.  Once you decide what you want, ,make a commitment to that decisions."- pg 215

" The secret is alignment: When you know for sure that you're on course and doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing, fulfilling your soul's intention, you're heart's desire.  When your life is on course with its purpose, you are at your most powerful.  And though, you may stumble you will not fall. "- pg 217-218

"This is why, When people say they're looking for happiness, I ask, " what are you giving to the world?"  p227

"If you think something is missing in your life or you're not getting what you deserve, remember that there's no yellow Brick road. You lead life; it doesn't lead you"-P228




If I have had the chance to write back to Oprah Winfrey.  She wrote, " You lead life; it doesn't lead you".  As I was reading this passage, I though to myself that maybe i was born into the wrong Era.  Back then if you have a bachelor degree, you will earn what a degree is worth its salary.

Oprah battles against her weight. I battled against my weight and finding and pursuing my career.  I am so sick and tire of where I am.  I hate to land on a job then finding a new job.  I just hate the fact that I seems to be back in square one.

Pursing to become a teacher has always been my passion. It is guarantee that I have a teaching job once I complete the course.

In life, no job is stable. In the past, I feel like I am a gifted person.  I tend to hear these whispers when something is not right. For example,  I hate Regents and these standardized test.  I felt there were stupid.  After so many years,  regents are permanently gone. People don't listen to what I have to say until big corporation gets involve with it then it changes


I pray to the lord for his answer.  Where do you want me to go and do.

My dream and loosing faith.

 Did you know that I always dream and imagine what if I had the opportunity to live in my own dream house.  I always wanted to do my own interior designing.  No matter at which state I live in, I know for a fact that I wanted a condo or a coop living.  On the holiday, I dream of mortgaging a cottage home where I can bring my family together.  

The truth is, how can I dream of nailing the 1199 housing when i don't have a job.  I pray to the lord for a job.  A job that fits me.  I don't ask for much.  I just wanted to fit in into a small company where people respects each other.  As my journey into this adult hood, I had trouble finding myself.  All I ask god is to listen to my issues.  I want a stable job with benefits.  My income is in the range of a high school degree. 

Sometimes I wonder if God is really listening to me.  I am scared.  Kevin and I made our parents suffered so much.  I really wanted to changed our live style.  We live by check to check , in order to survive in one of the biggest city in the entire 50 states.  NYC is small but very expensive.  My parents have been fighting for a spot for 2 decades in the public housing but for some reason , we never  nail it.  I wonder why. 

I always wanted to sit by a cottage on one of my dream rocking bench , have a cup of warm tea and just talk to god.  The questions I wanted to ask him are:

What are your plans for me?

Why am i going through so much suffering?

Is this part of your plan to make me go through the experiences of adult hood?

There are so much why in my questions to god. 

All I asking are answer and his heart with ears to listen. 

no matter how much I dream of my own place, it will never come true.  I loose doubts in life.

THE WAKE UP CALL

Since I graduated from Buffalo State, my life was all scattered into pieces.  I wasn't able to find jobs and when I do, they don't last very long.  From time to time, I asked myself what exactly do I want?  At times when I went on the Oprah website and watched her videos, I started to realized that a million of people have had went through what I am currently going through.  I hated working one job to the job, check to check.  I asked myself , is this what I want or am I going to work harder to fight for what I want and find who I am.  What exactly does Wendy believe in?

Wendy knows what she wants but has many doubts whether those path are right for her?  I always dream about being an English teacher because I wanted to go back to graduated school and relearn my grammar in order to excel in this language.  Back as a grammar student,  grammar was lacking in school because , all the New York State cares about was those stupid standardized exams.  Way back in the beginning,  I have been saying those exams are stupid.  How can you judge a student if

LIFE FEAR

 When I woke up, this was the first quote I saw on the bible verse on Facebook.  Deuteronomy stated, be strong and have courage, do not be afraid  because god will always be there and will never leave any of us.  Lately I have been praying to god everyday , asking him to listen to my problem.  All i need him to be a friend to listen to me.


I have share with him about myself.  I, as his child, am never lucky in life. The truth is I never lived happy before in my life.  As a child,  I struggled with processing notes in my brain, so I had to fight and work harder than most students with the help from my resource and counselor attention.  I couldn't pass any of the tests. However, when i got to High School,  I experienced terrorist attack on my 14th birthday.  How can these idiots make me go through a terrifying birthday.  I didn't even get any presents, but i was so blessed that my mom got me a cake from fine fare and celebrated at home and my maternal grandma.  By the time I reached to college,  I had a horrible roommate.  My laptop got stolen.  I don't remembered I had struggled as much when i was in my college years.  My school reimbusrsed my laptop and I got my entire room to myself.  I also met many wonderful people.  By the time I am back in NYC, I have to be the undergod, fighting for justice.  I couldn't find any jobs.  I was so lost that I didn't know how to look for a job, write a resume, and even a cover letter.  My life was upside down. 

A year ago,  Mounina, my roommate introduced Columbia University Dean Hopes. I applied but at the same time I got accepted into the program and got my real first job with benefits.  I was so happy but i didn't do so well.  When i was at Elderserve under Axion,  I was more of myself.  I enjoy working with people.  i understood the material really well.  My work perforce was great.  I even had a nice supervisor, RoseMarie.  Too bad, I didn't have any benefits.  This company really boost and started my first budget of gold.  After the contract ended, I was back to square one.  Xincon Healthcare wasn't a place where I fit.  Working in a Chinese company isn't quite me.  I was more happy working at Elderserve, a non Chinese community.    Chinese community is where I had a hard time fitting in. 

Today, i will have an housing interview.  I wanted to ask God.  Why all of a sudden now where ones hope is rise and hope is down.  One of requirement of this interview is to have a stable job which i don't at the moment, but i do believe and have as much patience in god's trust that he has a greater plan for me.  I wondered what his greater plan are for me.

My dream career is always to become a teacher.  I am so compassionate working with people and to be surrounded by people.  I most enjoy is the interaction and communicating with people.  When i was at Xincon, I didn't have a strong connection. Nurses were all relying on me and i can just do so much to support their needs. 

GOD... promise me, don't ever leave me hanging in a scary adulthood.  I am still learning this universal and it is so new to me that i am lost.


Please hold my hands as i walk into this interview.  Hopes it goes well.

THE BATTLE AGAINST MYSELF:FEAR VS FINDING TRUE SELF

After graduating from undergrad, everything turned upside down.  I wasn't the girl who I used to be.  I wanted to find the truth of my comfort, being in my own skin.  I tend to look back in life with the decisions I made and how much I regret.  I am living with Decidophobia.  All my life, when god gives me the opportunities, I always had trouble choosing what would be best for me.  I always ended up choosing the wrong path and this is what I fear the most about.  I just wish there is a way out of this.  

I sit home everything thinking back about my life.  Was going to Buffalo State the right choice?  Did I study the right major.  I was not making any difference.  I resigned from my job because instantly I hear my whisper telling me to go and find something that I am more passionate of doing.  I realized that when i was doing DME, I was very happy because my brain understood the materials.  I love working around people and not by myself, isolated at a different location.  I picked up the skills quite fast and was able to handle helping out my peers.  I wasn't able to land a full time position with them because it was through a contract assignment with a temp agency.  I told myself that I needed to find some ways to get back in that field.  I really enjoy it, but how?


The past two days, I went on the internet and was job hunting.  I need money in order to survive , so i applied to full time, part times, per diem jobs.  Anything to get myself back into the work force.  At the same time,  while I was working at Xincon,  I hated my new position and my health wasn't going too well.  I was diagnosed with Nodule Thyroid.  The more I stress, the thyroid grows.  I was living in my own battle.  So the minute, I spoken up with the manager and shared the truth, she gave me all my unused vacation and I flew down to Jackson, TN to do a follow up visit to see Heather Meeks.  The fact that i realized that her supplements that she prescribed costs a grip. The supplements were taken pre morning, breakfast, pre mid noon, lunch, and dinner, so they run out fast and it is costly. I told myself I got to do something fast.


As I mentioned why i am battling against myself.  I wanted to make a difference that impact the world and can changed the lives for my family.  They worked hard in all these years.  They tried and tried to apply for the project housing. Years after years,we are so unlucky because we were put on the waiting list and still have not heard a word.  How does people do it?  My dad's nephew came to the United States and after 5 years, they got the housing.  I wondered when it will be our turn?

Talking prayer through god's ear

God,

I wanted to share good news with you.  All these years,  my prayers is finally answered.  I am in the eligibility list of having a chance of living of my dream house  However, I don't have a job at the moment and a high chance of loosing the opportunity because it does require income.  Yesterday I got so scared and I applied to 4 different jobs.  Everyday I struggled against time.What am I suppose to do? I really want my dream house and this is the best opportunity yet I don't have a job to pay rent.  Am I a loser? 

These bible reading is a feel that you're besides me. 

I was given many small whispers and I have this phobia where I have trouble concentrating and choosing the right choices.

Please give me some wisdom , courage, strength.


Did you know if I ever had an opportunity to meet my future husband, that would be great.  I was thinking long and hard.  If i had a son, I would name in Kairos.  Kairos means the right or opportune moment.


If I have a daughter,  I want to name her Peony.  Peony means healing.  I want everyday my son to 

It is a long way to go.


NYC is so competitive.

God, I have a few questions:

Where do I belong?

What do you want me to do?  I am your child and I am willing to listen to you in any way you want me to go.

Do you remember, Xincon offered free classes but I never took advantage of that opportunity.

I wish I can put my head on your shoulder and cry.  I just want a listener.

I know you have been listening to me because you answered so much of my prayers.  I want to say Thank you.

I wanted to leave all my worries to you.  Please teach me how to mediate and rest my mind.

Pray....

Struggles and Mediation of wHISPEr

“Meditate. Breathe consciously. Listen. Pay attention. Treasure every moment. Make the connection.”

― Oprah Winfrey

 

 I watched a few of Oprah's mediation videos.  I started to understand that she is right about breathing and connecting to our inner sole.  I battled with my health every day.  I wanted to learn to listen to my whispers.  Instantly I knew the whisper was spoken to me since I was a child.  I had trouble fitting in the group.  everyone else didn't have any problems learning except me.  I was isolated for one hour every weekday from the class and got more detail-orientated attention on my specific needs.   

I wanted to find alternative ways to solve the struggles i had as a child.  When i decided to leave NYC and went to school in Buffalo,  I had a few struggles with grammar and that was because i didn't have a proper grammar education. So i have decided to not allow my future children to be educated by the Board of education.   However, when i was in Buffalo,  the only troubles I had was taking classes that was taught by Ph.D professor.  Professor who carries  their master, i had no trouble.  

So I have decided to join back the psychology Dean Hope program.  I knew if i have continue to proclaim the services I recieved as a kid, I "ll know I can save myself from depression.  

NYC is  most competitive city to fight for jobs and school.  i am stick and tire of it

I BELIEVE

At this very moment, I sat in front of my computer and listening to Whitney Houston's hitting popular music- Greatest love of All.  I was singing the lyric on youtube.  I told myself that I have failed at many obstacles but I have one gift that god has shared with me is to turn around and start walking to the right path.  Michelle phan has said in one of her youtube videos that failures is actually okay because it is one step closer to where you need to walk.


Growing up my struggles is that I have a learning disability.  So everyday if I am inquire to learn something,  my brain doesn't process right away.

I BELIVE.....

Life is full miracles
There is hope
There is faith

MY TOP TRUE INSPIRING FEMALE LEADERS

In today's society,  woman has fought to come out to become strong leaders in the 21st century.  I am truly inspired to these following strong independent women who made their successful careers through media.

They worked their ass off to become who they are known to be.  I remembered watching Oprah's videos on her website and I was tearing of what she shared in one of her videos.  She truly inspired and touched my heart.  At the moment, I have been thinking and was feeling very down.  My teammate Tina and I were underpaid at this job but the co workers were quite nice to us.  I was very pissed off and came across seeing this quote on Oprah site.  Thinking back, I have noticed that people from this job did complement me because I did tried my best to be a team player and they missed and thanked me.  I gave myself a tap on the shoulders.

"You Are the Master of Your Fate

"When you do well, when you do your best, people notice." — Oprah

You know what, I dream of becoming like them one day.  I am sick n' tire of the society norm.  I worked and worked and if I don't work, I don't have an income.  When I did work, I never had an opportunity to use my money to travel to places that I always dream of going.  I love to understand the other side of the world and in college, I had the opportunity to about world religion.  I see that , Americans are so spoiled and in other countries, they don' have much but they love themselves verse how New Yorkers are so greedy to constantly take government  money.  I can't bare my eyes and see how much the other side of the world needs the money meanwhile we are wasting food from using food stamps.  

I especially love the episodes of how Oprah team gets to introduce the top religions and share it among with the world.  I cried.

This is Ellen Degeneres.  She is a talk host.  I watched her videos via Youtube. She helps people with shutter fly. I always wanted to meet her in person.  I hope she can help me with my student loans.  I do want to be debt free and start my career path by going to graduate school.

This is Judith Travis.  She is youtuber star.  She shares her daily life with the world through youtube.  I enjoyed watching how her lovely girls: Julianna, Miya,and Keira grows with the world.  She and her family constantly go to Japan , California, and Hawaii.  I was so inspired that she can bring her family together and travel. I always wanted to do that but there is no way I can afford doing that.  She's lucky and I am truly happy for her.
  I always wanted to bring my family to China as a family trip.  The last family trip we went to Canada was in 2000 but now, we can't afford because we worked out butts off to pay monthly rent and utilities bills.

Michelle Phan is another youtuber star who struggled trying to pay monthly bills by working as a waitress and at the nail salon.  She shares  and made me understand that getting turn down is an okay thing because it means  it is no the road for anyone to continue to walk.  Although I don't wear make up but I love her skin care videos.

Michelle Obama is one of the first day who gets involved with the community.  She is very different from other first lady.  I hardly see her get involve with politics although she has a law degree.  She encourages her citizens to exercise and eat N' stay healthy by moving.  We need more first lady like her.  She truly inspired  me and I got up and exercise because I love myself ,in order to stay healthy.  I wish I can give her a huge hug and say thank her myself.

Oprah Winfrey, a talk host, a master mind leader. I cried to most of her videos.  I wish I can just chat with her in person.  I would to have a friend to listen .

I found a picture of woman suffrage.  This month there is a month that came out, woman sufferagette.  Women from the past fought and suffered for todays woman to get equal rights to vote.  Look at all these successful woman in the world

This is Loni Love from the talk show- The real.  I watch the show everyday and i did some research on her. She is so real.  She even sacrificed for a co worker who was about to loose their job by resigning and saving a spot for them when she was an engineer.  What a true hero. I wish she can invite me to her show.  I want to shake her and her co host hands.

Wendy Williams.  She is so legit.  She worked her way from radio to now a talk show host.  Love youuu.

I am most proud of the fact that these are women.  They made changes to the media.

About myself

My name is ... WENDY HUANG
My favorite color is  coral
My favorite food is bimbibap


 

the love from heaven

i have many surrounding of kind and generous friends who care for me.  Their words and wisdom touched my heart especially our heavenly father who listened to my prayers and help.  This morning I wondered who am I as a person?  What is god's reason for me to be here?  I thought deeply when I look back, I was gifted to help my family with the care they needed.  Although I didn't turn out to be a doctor, lawyer, an accountant, a person who works for the government.  However, I can only do some much because god has shape me to whom I am today.

I cried and doubt myself.  My joy has been taken away and my rejoice has suddenly disappeared within a whisper to the ear.  I have realized that I am an intervert whom I can not trust expect god.  I have noticed that god has listened to my problems whenever i am in danger.  he is my best friend whom i can trust and know that wouldn't loose a doubt on me.  

I work hard each and every day to learn about myself and why god has put them to a wonderful hardworking family.  They started off with nothing except food and shelter.  My mom always taught me and Kevin that as long as we're healthy, that is all what matters to a mother of two. Money can not buy health.

Since i stop working to rest my body until my body is ready to be back in the work force.  I promised our heavenly father that I will heal my body with the help and trust from Heather.  I am sure one day i will meet the man who loves me and my family, and we will get engage n marry then start our family.  At the moment,  Iwill go along with what god's path.  


Many things are out of my control and that's okay because god is the one who is setting a path of whom I will meet in my future life and will continue to provide a shelther for my family and I.


I want to say, thank you and amen.  You are the one who will stand by my side whenver I fail apart.  


I know he will send his angels to oversea me and protect and love me and my family.


I might not be able to visilize his angels and himself, but I feel him in my presence.


 

 

I am being pressured and not knowing how to handle when things are out of my control.  I am aware that my health is the # 1 priority.  I am seeking for help and no one is helping and time is so limited.  Yesterday, out of my expected surprised,  I was given the key to open the door of my own space.  However, I was stupid to tossed out everything.  I am unemployed, no home, and a terrible health. 

I will stop thinking so negative.  If I want something, it is like war.  I have to work hard in order to get it.

Worst n

Let me share N' post this.

 Ha! I am the worst person when it comes to choosing.  I am the clueless person when it signal.  I am the blindiness person when it comes to opportunities in front of my face.  I am confused.  

 

I have a friend and her name is Julie.  Her assigned ended less than 2 weeks because god has gave her a second chance meeting her new boss in the elevator.  Now she is the happiest person on earth.  

 

For me, i was given several times to work for ACCM but i turned down offer because i wouldn't scaraficed of commuting for 2 hours.    Now I lost that chance when i am unemployed.

 

Lord,

Please guide me to road where I belong.  I need help.  I am out of sources.  I was once an optimistic person until now.  I am very torn apart.  I don't know where I fit? At a job, you are require to deliever something in order to be rewarded.  I learned my lesson.  Please guide me..

 

AMENN

CONTINUE TO BELIEVE

LIFE PURPOSES

It took longer than I have expected to start writing again.  Since it was traditionally to go to college right after I graduated from high school.  I wasn't quite prepared, didn't have a clue what I was passionate to study; nor knew what I was compassionated to do when I stepped into the real world.  The real world seems a lot scarier than I expected.  I was totally unprepared.  I went through life crisis.  All I was able to do is continue to extend my hands out to god, and walk on what he has prepared for me.  I went through ups and downs. I had trouble looking for a job so I went through the VESID program, and they hooked up with at my first unpaid internship at NYU Langone Medical Center.  I was scanner intern with my first supervisory.  Then, it came even harder,  VESID hooked me up with my very first poor paying job at R+ W, doing inventory at MTA.  I had to wake up extra early and it was a high school level paying position.  I did well at the job, and the people were very nice, but I hated the job with a passion.  I prayed to our father in heaven for help.  I was very lucky because an human Resource counselor found me through LinkedIn and I was offered my first paying through through this temp. agency as a filing and interpreting clerk at VNS.  The supervisor treated me terribly.  I wasn't sure if Karma was on my back because once I was let go of the position, I was so relieved and Karma was bitch to the supervisor.  He was laid off and the Department of Health was investigating on VNS for all things they did, and was not following the Department of Health's policy.

After i went back to R+W inventory to continue to earn money and at the same time, Anxious temp agency offered me another assignment with Elderserve.  At Elderserve,  i felt like I was very useful and capable of doing my job.  I was happy and sad at the same time.  I was picked on and didn't get a cubical.  However,I love my job.  Because of Elderserve, my first bucket of money started to grow in my bank account.  Since I was working at this assignment for a year, Elderserve didn't continue to extend my contract.  I wondered what I have done wrong?  Then, all of a sudden,  I went through depression.  

I prayed to our Father in heaven again, and less than a month I was offered a position at Xincon.  I was not good at this job, and after my 3 months probation, i was offered a position where i was capable of doing back at MLTC - Aetna through ACCM.  Due to the distant, I turned them down. I met my loyal teammate,  Tina Wu.  Tina was very nice to me.  She taught me a lot.  Tina and I hated our pay because we had done more and get paid less.  Then, I was offered again with the same position at ACCM, and still turned it down. 

My health was risking my life and I'd decided to resigned the position.  The Directory of People service- Marcia Parker and my manager - Anna Joa were very nice people.  They were worry about me.  I should have took the position at ACCM instead I took the wrong path.  Anna has promoted me to a different position- Enrollment Specialist at Aetna.  I couldn't handle the pressure and cried 4x within two months.  


Tina has told me that to never risk my life over a job because our body is very smart and knows how to make me pay for the abuse to myself. 


Now, I am jobless.  I cried and decided to listen to my family, friends( Tina, and my nurses) advice.  I took some time off and got away from the city and went to Lakeland, Tennessee.  My aunt has introduced me to a nutritionist Health Practitioner-  Heather Meeks.  Healther is going to heal my body so I can stay healthy. 

Due to my jobless,  I gave many thoughts and ask our Father in heaven if NYC is the right environment for me.  i stressed out easily.  Today I took out the bible that was given to me by my aunt Sandy.  I cried and read the bible at the same time.   


 In the bible,  I was reading Matthew 6:2 25-34

'Therefore don't worry tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself.  Each day has enough trouble of its own." 

  " Keep asking and it will given to you.  Keep searching, and you will find.  Keep knowing, and the door will opened to you."



Psalm 138:7-8

If i walk into the thick of danger,you will preserve my life from the anger of my enemies.  You will extend your hand; The lord will fulfill his purpose for me.  Lord, your love is external, do not abandon the work of your hands.   


Psalm 42: 5-6

"Put your hope in god, for I will still Praise him.  I am deeply depressed"


Matthew 6:2- 25

 "This is why I tell you: Don't worry about your life..."